La Cochino Ileana Blows a Gasket

The woman Cubans call “La Cochina” (The Pig) blew a gasket yesterday when swimmer Diana Nyad completed her swim from Havana to Key West. “Who let that bitch make it to shore? One of my terrorist thugs Luis Posada Carriles had a torpedo ready to kill the bitch. What to hell happened?

“My terrorist confederates have managed to kill scores of innocent people through the years. One decrepit old lady swimming along managed to get through? Some bastard’s head is going to roll for this!

“Now non-Cuban Americans are going to start hollering about visiting Cuba to see where Nyad jumped into the water. If that happens and they start talking to everyday Cubans, those bastards are going to tell them the truth and me and my terrorist supporting allies Mario and Lincoln will be screwed. People will learn about the alleged crimes of our fathers which prevented them from ever returning to their homeland. I’m so pissed I’m going to get my little bitch Mauricio Claver-Carone in here and let the guys work him over.” 

Meanwhile in Havana Mario Garancha Herrera, president of the “Take a machete to Ileana Club” renewed his invitation to La Cochino to visit Cuba, promising to have 500 men prepared to greet her.


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