Capitol Hill Cubans and their terrorist leaders are in overdrive today fearing the success of Diana Nyad’s swim from Havana to the United States. Mauricio Claver-Carone, the group’s intellectually impotent director issued a statement which stated, “We at Capitol Hill Cubans are very concerned that this woman might reach our shores. We have concerns that she might be carrying the Cholera virus as a secret plot by the Castro thugs to bring their epidemic to the United States.
“We know that e-coli has cause much greater pain and suffering in the US than cholera has in Cuba, but lies are our stock-in-trade therefore we have to over-hype this outbreak. We demand that Ms. Nyad be stopped in her tracks as soon as possible.”
Puppeteer Lincoln Diaz Balart was unavailable for comment, but his brother Mario ‘The Dumb One’ issued the following statement: “We are making all attempts to work with fishermen with large nets to scoop up jellyfish and mako sharks to be dropped in her path to bring her swim to an end. Uh, I think that is correct; I didn’t have my brother Linc to help me write my speech.”
La Cochino (as she’s nicknamed in Cuba), Representative Ileana Ros Lehtinen was more forceful in her condemnation. “Who does this bitch think she is? We reserve Mondays for our lapdog Mauricio to embellish stories about the Ladies in White being abused at Sunday Mass, and we spend all day celebrating their abuse and toasting the secret police so we can trash Castro’s goons.
“Now we’ve got Castro’s lackey stealing the spotlight. Well, I’m counting on dimwit Mario to round up jellyfish and sharks to stop her, but if that doesn’t work Luis Posada tells me there’s still an old torpedo in Orlando Bosch’s storage facility that he has been itching to use. We’ll blow that bitch out of the water and send a message to others: Don’t mess with us, we’ll take you out.”